I am so spoiled. T left me the longest message...he actually ran out of room on my voice mail and had to call back to finish it.

In part of the message he talked directly to my littlest part, and told her how much she is loved and cared for and how the feelings won't feel so big forever. And I could FEEL IT, waaaaaaaaaaaaay down inside. Just this sense of...relief? or maybe just of being loved. I know that that part of me never felt loved, not even kind of, and its like something inside just settled down a little when he told her that. He's told her before that he loves her, and I know he does...but I guess it hits SO deeply right now because she is telling him the scariest stuff...and right in the middle of that, she's LOVED. It just makes everything a little bit more okay. To FEEL the yuck and the overwhelmingness of it, and to be loved through it.

And I have this feeling that someday, if SHE is okay, then *I*, grown up tree, will be okay.

OMG though. It's soooooooooo painful. It's like in order to open up to the love, I have to open up to the pain. It's good, and it's bad, and it's hard, and I'm tired.

I'm grateful for my busy, busy life. I don't know how I could get through this if I had to sit with it very much.