Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
The confusing thing is that my t has, from the start, known that i have dissociated child aspects. She has always tried to encourage me to let that part of me show, so we could work with it and heal the wounds. So it came as a surprise when she told me how basically (without saying the exact words), i shouldn't have the needs of a child since I'm an adult. It made me feel almost tricked or betrayed, in that she seemed to invite this side of me to relate with her, only to then start telling me she was too busy to always respond, and discourage my strong needs. She's worked with me on coping skills, which i use alot, although she doesn't seem to think i do it enough. Maybe the problem is that i just can't find the balance, and it is painful and humiliating for me to ask or show what i need, only to find out i shouldn't need it. Since i can't find the balance, it seems best to just try to rid myself of this child part that causes so much turmoil. But when i try to ignore it, it ends up grabbing my attention anyway, such as by breaking down in gut wrenching sobs for no reason.
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Hi Peaches...
I hope you don't mind my answering your post here...but there were a few things that I felt and "heard" in your post that struck me. I think that it is wise for your therapist to primarily work with your adult parts because that is what needs to be strengthened for you to function well in your adult world....and the fact that she sometimes needs to set boundaries as to what she can and cannot do is not necessarily a reflection on her views of your child like part's needs. The fact that you take these as rejection and abandonment simply highlights the needs of your inner child that need to be nurtured and honoured not only by her, but by you and your adult parts as well.
This is extrememly hard for me to do, and I imagine for you as well. Perhaps you don't just need coping skills but loving skills for those child like parts are needed to help her feel honoured and cherished when your T is just not able. Even as a mother, there are times I CANNOT immediately respond to my children's needs, but I can still honour them and let them know they will be met as soon as possible. And then do it. Perhaps you can help send those messages to your child parts and your T can learn to help you back those messages up so that she feels truly safe and not rejected nor shamed and invalidated. Being invalidated is really a ****** feeling. Maybe that is where some of those tears come from...
I also noticed the word "should" a lot. This is a big shaming word. I hear you shaming yourself and your child a lot in your note. Again I feel like the answer is not the shame but the validation, the cherishing and the patience that she really needs to hear from you; not even your T. I shame myself a lot too, and it is so very destructive.
There is a lady named Brene Brown that did a video on Ted.com and has 2-3 books out on the gifts of shame and what will come from learning to live beyond it and through it. I think you might really relate to her work...I think your child parts will love it. She is very easy to listen to and kind of funny and truly inspiring.
I hope I have not offended...these were just some thoughts that came forward from my heart from reading your posts. If you don't relate..just throw them out.. I wish you only hope in your healing and peace for your child parts..they sound very precious indeed.
Respectfully,
Wysteria Blue
