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I am having a hard time with my emotions right now. It has got so bad that I stay to myself a lot and don't interact with people as usual. I am having to learn to live with gout and the pain along with other medical issues and past hurts (mental) are coming back. I have been going to work and coming home. I haven't even been on PC hardly. It is like I built a wall around myself. I am determined to work through it.
This coming Sunday would have been a close friend's birthday. She committed suicide in 2005. Her mother is my boss and we both are having issues with it. I told her that I would be out of town the first weekend of November and she told me that she didn't blame me. It is the date falls on the day of the week her daughter died. Not only was her daughter a close friend but she was also my next door neighbor. My mother was the last person to see her alive. We had tried all day after lunch that day to get her to answer the door and we would call her phone. I didn't go in the house because I knew she keep a gun close by. She had spoke to my mother earlier in the week and told her she was sick and she needed me to work at the office for her. My mother was worried about her being sick. Everyone became very concerned when she didn't answer the door or phone. I had laid down because I had to work the night shift at my other job that night. My husband woke me up and told me that she had died. (I can't even type her name, it hurts so bad.)
I have got to work through all of this. I am going to the doctor tomorrow for a check-up and hopefully to get something for my sinuses and gout.
On a happier note, my niece is getting married that weekend and that is where I am going to be, dealing with the wedding rehersal supper and the reception. Definitely something to keep me busy.
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