The best thing for me is to keep learning that I have no control, but I do have communication about the things I wish I could control or imagine I can control. You know, I do this well in day to day life. I go through life without the worry that plagues other people so much. Believe it or not, I am a very relaxed person.
And to keep learning that my imagined scenarios are just that, imagined. The reality of it is unknown until it happens. It's that unknown area where my fears emerge. Sitting with feelings for me means also sitting with the naked truth that I can't control the outcome; that can be relieving as well as stressful. It can be relieving because there is no point in trying to control something I can't. So I am free to let it be, let it happen, and see how it goes. This is exactly what I tell my friends who tend to anxiety in life - that they try to control so much of life. Again, in RL I'm an expert at that. It's just this particular issue that has me revved up. At least now, I can truly understand others who go through life living anxiety. I had never understood it well before but now that I'm in therapy I've learned about emotions and am now being forced to face fears of my own

I am pretty secure in my relationship with my T but it's taken 4 yearsOk - we only have 8 months together so maybe I shouldn't be too concerned that I'm still struggling with this. and voicing my fears many times about my thought that she would like to terminate me, or would retire (to terminate me. lol), and many kinds of responses and patience from T about those fears before I could feel secure.I know this will definitely be a topic today in session because I had left message with her a few days ago about my fear of termination. Part of attachment issues and repeated experiences will help with time. Maybe tell your T that you need repeated reassurance whenever the fear is there.I will try not to bury that fear and bring it up as much as needed. See, it gets buried and then a trigger happens and it gets blown out of proportion. I don't know that there is 'more' to do about it, it just takes time and as the relationship and trust deepen, the reassurances can be taken in and accepted for longer periods of time. At least that's how it's worked for me. I see, lots of repetition that finally convinces the emotional brain.

I also would think my therapist was mad at me. Even after a good session, early in my therapy, during the time between sessions, I would 'remember' the session and in the memory of it she was angry. At first I believed this misperceptions, then I could take them to her and tell her about them and she would tell me that my memory wasn't her experience. In time I was able to feel sure that my memory was not reality, it was a fear encroaching on my memory; so it was good to know that the incorrect memory could happen and I could accept it as my creation. But in the process, I learned not only that I could create based on fear, but I could also get that creation/fear checked out by being able to talk about it. Yeah, I do that, I think. Believing that I can 'read' people probably gets me into trouble because some of my 'reading' will be influenced by fear.

Skysblue, good luck tomorrow.