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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Well that can be true Michael, some people do ask to be soothed by lies. And there are those who are good at lieing to sooth others in order to either gain social standing, or something they need for themselves. And there are people who's sole purpose is to disable another person into self doubt and a sense of worthlessness, hense Bullies and other Abusers.
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I will admit, my tactics do cross the line into abusive if the other person is deliberately and continually manipulative with their guilt-tripping and other such nonsense. There's a neighbour of mine who I will use as an example... She is an insufferable parasite. She, many a year ago, had cancer. They removed it. She's now completely fine. I know this because I happen to be an acquaintance of her doctor's. Yet, she walks with a cane she doesn't need and complains of back problems. She only uses the cane in view of public and only complains when she either needs something or if people start to become frustrated with her helplessness. Our neighbours, a kind and caring lot, are eager to lend a helping hand - including... moving all of her furniture when she got evicted from her old house; giving her money or buying her things; picking her up at two in the morning when the doughnut on her car blew, and then towing her car for her, etc. Why she was out at two in the morning on a doughnut is beyond me...
I am hated by most of my community because I have no sympathy for this woman and no patience to pretend otherwise.
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However if you are someone that speaks the truth, you may be one who is kept away from a group of individuals that only wish to play around the truth and play constant games of subtle deception amongst themselves. And the truth teller is only approached when the subtle games reveal something that truely has to be addressed. The truth teller can be used to call out something that is troublesome to the players in the group, something is called out and addressed by the truth teller and that truth teller is then pushed aside and the games continue.
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As I prefer it.
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Unfortunately we live in a world where there are all kinds of lies that are practiced and supported everywhere. It can even seem as though the only gain is in learning how to lie and deceive the best one can so that gains can not only be made but sustained.
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Allow me to clarify... I do lie for my own gain. And sometimes for fun. And sometimes just because I can.
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So when someone says that " they are no good at this," "Am I too much of a push over", "Could I have done that differently", they are not necessarily asking to be lied to, they actually want to know the truth. And when they get an answer that says "yes", the truth is that your not a bad person, you never learned how to deal with the various aspects of the pitfalls of human nature, they become relieved at finally hearing the truth.
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It isn't difficult to determine who truly wants to be helped and who is just seeking comfort lies. For the former, I will tactfully approach the person in question. I explain to them what they're doing well, what areas need improvement, and how to go about improving those areas, among other things.
For the latter, however ... I once tried to approach such people tactfully. But it never really worked out... There was one person in particular who constantly b*tched and moaned about how depressed/isolated/lonely/anxious/fearful/insecure she was, usually indirectly. I initially attempted to offer advice on how to cope with these irrational fears and insecurities in a relatively courteous manner. She responded with excuse after excuse of how there was no possible way she could commit to any of those options, and she asked me why I couldn't just leave her alone. As a matter of fact, if I said anything other than lengthy and elaborate supportive lies, she would conclude that I was an a**hole. Eventually, she started to grate on my last nerve, so I told her to either make some attempt to change or stop complaining about it. She hasn't talked to me since.
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The one that is the perceived ***hole is the one who truely cannot see the honest struggle of others. This person who is so lacking of empathy can identify the weakness only as they may be a good deceiver or can quickly define deception out of watching and learning how it is dealt with and overcome. And the ***hole is one who just assumes that defining deception is so blatently obvious the person who asks the troubling questions is stupid and does not want to hear the truth.
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I see the struggles and even understand them on some level. I even understand that people just need someone to talk to or to vent on occasion. That doesn't mean I can empathize with them, however... But, regardless of the troubles, if this person is only looking for pity (much like the aforementioned examples and many lesser forms), then I'm an a**hole.
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IN REALITY:
In both cases, it may not be "FAIR" to define the true ***hole. Because there is a genuine lack in both. The only one that can truely answer the original question is one who knows the truth, and has enough "empathy" to see another person doesn't truely understand and will take the time to explain it on a level where that person can gain some "True insight that will give them the opportunity to not only accept the truth but to learn how to see it better and apply it to their own personal growth." If someone does not possess "empathy" it is not always their fault, that person just cannot truely understand the way to view certain questions.
Open Eyes
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There's one thing I know about truth in relation to the mind... We cannot know what it is, regardless of how empathetic we think we are. We can, however, surmise. And we do just this by observing behaviours, expressions, speech, and so forth, all which indicate a certain mentality. Some of us are better at this than others, and it has very little to do with true empathy. For example, psychopaths are exceptionally good at taking a step in the mind of someone else... better, in fact, than many well-learned psychologists. What we lack is the capacity to share their feelings, and thus don't really care.