I think as long as you try to "compete" with his ex- you are going to feel like second fiddle. The whole photoshopping of her out of his mother's picture of their family idea would have amused me if it hadn't made me sad.

The ex- will always be a part of your package! Including her in rather than fighting her is about the only way to go that can keep you sane I think. The child is "hers" as she is caring for him and you don't get part of your bf's "share" of the child, especially if you are not married to him.

I am a stepdaughter and stepmother (three stepsons). They belong to my husband and his ex-wife and the only part of them I have is my personal relationship with them; when the youngest use to come over to stay with us after we were married, I did my best to facilitate his and my husband's time together as that was why he was there, to be with his father and that relationship had nothing to do with me. Over the last 25 years, I've worked out a good relationship with each of my stepsons and my husband's ex-wife and I are friends too (she and her mother and sister come each year to our Mother's Day family party we have at our house).

Treating other family members like cattle one is trying to cut out from the herd or the child's mother like she's an unwanted piece of a puzzle that doesn't belong can't work well. You cannot "move on" from the mother of your child! They slept together and had a child together and that child has to be raised by them, together. Stressing your boyfriend by insisting he manipulate himself so he gets more of the son and pushes away the ex- will just make him have more trouble having to try and make two women happy and with no way to win as they both have different goals.

Think of the story of Solomon and the two women who claimed the same child as theirs; he went with the one who thought of the child's needs instead of her own. If you love your boyfriend, try to make it easier for him and his necessary relationship with his ex- because of their child rather than for yourself?

A story you might enjoy? On our wedding day, the ex- called right in the middle of the family's time after the reception, when we were all back at our house; my husband, 3 stepsons (very early teen to early 20's), husband's 3 brothers and sister-in-laws, etc. One of my husband's sister-in-laws got all upset and hissed at me, "That is so rude, don't you mind?" I laughed and explained that, no, I didn't mind because she was my husband's problem, not mine! Yes, it was "my" day and it wouldn't occur to me to engage in such behavior as she did but dealing with her was not a "fun" thing my husband had to do and he is quite able to take care of himself and his problems. I let him be annoy or not; I had married him in the first place after watching for 5 years how he treated his mother, his ex-, my mother, me, etc. That he treated his ex- patiently even though she did not treat him well spoke volumes to me about how I would be treated? After all, I had just married him, he was "mine" now. I considered she had made a really dumb error "losing" him/letting him go as she did.