Hi, BTC,

You need to understand that there may be a part or parts of your own mind that gets some kind of satisfaction out of persecuting and torturing you. One way of doing that is by subjecting you to thoughts that the conscious you will find painful and upsetting, regardless of whether or not those thoughts are true. In a sense, you're doing this to yourself. Not the conscious you, but one of the other pieces of your mind that live in the dark.

All our minds are constructed of those different parts. Their existence by no means indicates you have any mental illness. Nor do such thoughts have any bearing at all on your own sexual preferences. They're just a kind of self-torture. Therapists do understand this kind of thing. I would very much go along with unhappyguy and suggest a few visits to a therapist. Same as you'd go to a dentist if you had a really bad toothache. It's NOT a big deal, even though I'm sure it's very painful and upsetting for you. In the meanwhile, take care!