I have posted a couple times on here, but I am so shy it's a little intimidating to participate in conversations here. I will try to be a more active participant in this thread.

Does anyone have any tips or resources for learning to be more assertive? I have a bad tendency to avoid confrontation, much to my detriment. I let people take advantage of me because the alternative of speaking up for myself is just that frightening. I have to call my manager (we don't have a central work location or offices but work at different job sites, so it has to be a phone call unfortunately; those are the worst for me) to return her calls as to why I did not show up for work this morning (long story short, it was a last minute add to my schedule and I worked from 7am-2am yesterday so did not see it; schedules are posted online), and I also plan to quit my job when I talk to her. I am terrified at having to do this. If anyone is interested in reading the whole situation keep reading. Otherwise, I hope someone can give me advice on being assertive, and how to approach conversations like this.
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I have some major issues with my work, mostly related to how they handle scheduling. I have pretty much decided to leave the job. No, I don't have another one lined up. But I do see how this job is costing me (in terms of health and sanity, and my ability to work towards a career since this is a stop-gap job) more than I am earning. I even have my husband's full support of my decision, especially after I told him what happened this week.

Basically, I missed my shift this morning. They are always adding stuff to the schedule which we have to check online every day, and expecting us to be able to work with a day or two's notice, and shifts are 7 days a week around the clock. I worked a double yesterday and had checked my schedule in the morning before I left - no shifts for this morning. I went straight to bed when I got home at 2am and didn't check the schedule. It wasn't until I woke up late this morning and had missed phone calls/voicemails and checked my schedule that I saw I was supposed to work this morning. I have had perfect attendance up until today (not that it matters, but I'm saying that I take the job seriously and have made every effort to do what they ask of me, but apparently that's not enough).

Like I said above, I am horrible at being assertive, and at having conversations that could be in anyway confrontational or adversarial. Really horrible. I have to give my manager a call today, she is waiting for me to call back. I imagine she wants to talk to me about missing work. I really believe that it was unreasonable of them to expect me to know that I was working this morning or to work a triple shift.

But this knowledge that I am "right" is not enough for me to feel any confidence about having to talk to her about it. I am also scared about quitting my job when I call. I have a horrible pattern of just stopping going to work when I leave a job (I have done this for two jobs now), mostly because of the confrontation thing - I am really avoidant of things that I am scared of especially when it involves having to have a conversation with people. It's a pattern I need to change.

Thanks for reading. I'm really hoping to resolve this in a good way - good as in positive for me addressing my personal shortcomings, and not falling into old behaviors. My last therapist used to say that "behaviors follow thoughts"; basically, that I would have to start behaving as though I value myself (by being assertive and not letting others take advantage of me) before I would start to feel and think that that was true, if it makes any sense; it made sense to me when she told it to me.