I'm a 54yo male, married with 3 kids, all of which are young adults.

I have always been on the quiet side but as I have gotten older, I have becme more introverted. I have always considered myself an introvert but I feel I am more introverted then ever before. Social interaction drains me. Whereas an extrovert gains energy thru social interaction, my energy get's quickly depleted. As such, I dread going to any kind of party or gathering that involves anyone outside of my immediate family. I can tolerate a family gathering more so then some other gathering but still I am limited. I seem to hit a wall around the 2 hour mark. At that point, I"m emotinally drained. I lose all interest in communication with others. The minutes seem to pass by like hours. And I find myself counting the minutes to when I can leave. I start counting the minutes the second I head towards the event I am attending. I do not like small talk. I need conversation that is intelligent to a degree and stimulating. If that isn't the case, I lose all interest and tune out. I avoid talkative people like the plague. And any event I am attending, I"m the guy watching from the sidelines. I dont' like attention drawn to me and I"m definitely not the center of attention. I"m especially uncomfortable around figures of authority. Maybe I subconsciously think I don't measure up to them. Not really sure. My greatest fear in life is Public Speaking. Ugh! I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate it and avoid it at all costs. I often think about how I would like for my life to be at this moment. I feel I would be happy if I was left alone (except for interactions with my kids). I have no interest in going out on weekends. I prefer to stay at home and read. I take long hot baths where I may read for up to 2 or 3 hours. It's like my sanctuary. There is no one there to bother me or place demands on me. I wont' answer the phone at home unless its one of my kids or wife. Other than that, I won't answer the phone. I get dozens of phonecalls at work each day and therefore I absolutely hate answering and talking on the phone. If I do have to talk on the phone it is short and to the point. But the bath tub is my place of refuge. I feel safe there and can tune out for a couple hours, the stresses of my life. My wife needs to associate with others and every weekend I feel pressured to do something to meet her needs. But I hate ever second of it. I know if we are meeting some of her friends somewheres that I will hate every second of it. I count down the minutes in my head to when we can leave. I have to put on a false smile and pretend I"m having a good time. It's physically and mentally exhausting. After I hit that two hour mark, I start getting crabby and ornary. Anger builds up inside me and I have to fight that to keep from saying something or doing something I might regret. Bottom line, I'm introverted. I enjoy being alone. I long to be alone and I firmly believe I could be happy and live an enjoyable life if I kept to myself.
I know this isnt' healthy, especially for someone who battles depression on occasion as I do, but being alone I feel safe and content.

I don't know what my question is after all of this. I guess I'm just venting at this point. Wishing i was alone in a quiet safe relaxing environment.

Anyone else like this?