Dear Peaches,

I can relate to so much of what you are saying...I often feel so worthless and find it so very, very hard to nurture my own inner child. I didn't even know what I looked like when I was little until very, very recently. I have someone that helps me take care of my child part and she feels very safe staying with that person. I do other things to work on learning how to nurture children in general and from those experiences try to translate to learning how to nurture/protect and soothe my own.

I too am normally considered competent at least until recently and am very independent. I think in terms of boundaries and roles, you may just have to get a little blunt and ask for clarification from your T and also let her know a little more clearly if you can what you might be needing or wanting and how you can signal her when you need it. Please try to be sure that your expectations are in line with what she can honestly meet so that you don't continue to want for what she is just unable to give or find someone else in your support system that can...

My own relationship with T seems to morph a little and I'm beginning to let him closer and allow him to care about me more and tell him what I need and that I appreciate him as well. I finally even asked permission to hold his finger occassionally to ground and for connection when I need it, with specific conditions attached to it, which he met, which surprised me. The other day when I was really, really distraught, I even just went and sat on the floor near him when he rebuked me for not allowing him in. That was really hard for me, but helped us to connect a bit. He then freaked me out by sitting on the floor across from me to talk to me... Normally, we have pretty good professional boundaries as I can be pretty skittish and he's very professional. You just sometimes never know with them. But you sound like you have a therapist that has reached out to you and is very supportive and is trying very hard to help you to grow and respect and honour both parts of you. But they always want to see you trying to do your part to heal yourself as well.

Perhaps if you take the lead at self-soothing and get help from her with self-soothing techniques, she will be much more open to backing you up and supporting you and your child parts if she sees you trying first. Maybe you can ask for help with some imaging of your child parts or inner child to help you in making a better connection to her.

Maybe also finding an image of a protective angel or protector for your child will help you feel like you are not so alone in trying to help her. I have one for mine...I have a whole album of angel images on my profile if you would like to look through them and see if any resonate for you...I will friend you so you are able to view them...there are so many images out there..I'm sure you can find a guardian for her that will help you when you are feeling at a loss with your child part...

In terms of the overwhelming emotions that you get from your child, I wouldn't be surprised that you find that some of those unmet needs in your child are still unmet today. Your T may be trying to help you get some of those connection needs met as an adult so that the adult can show the child what if can feel like to feel cherished and soothed and worthy and can lead by example...

I can see that you are trying very, very hard and I honour and encourage your efforts and wisdom and self-insight! Perhaps a little more patience with yourself and rewards for your hard work are in order! You have such a big heart and can obviously feel so much...but remember your capacity for pain may also equal your capacity for joy and contentment. What a wonderful image to hold on to when you are feeling blue or frustrated with yourself....

Safe hugs and best wishes for continued honesty and connection from within and without...I hope my words and ideas do not make anything worse or hurt in any way...They are meant with the best of intentions..

Wysteria Blue