|
My husband does this and when I’m on the edge I find it very annoying. Here is a typical conversation over something as stupid as dinner.
Hubby: Where do you want to go for dinner?
Me: Texas Roadhouse
Hubby: Or we could go to Longhorn. Where do you want to go for dinner?
Me: I just answered you, Texas Roadhouse do you not want to go there?
Hubby: I don’t care, I just want you let you know what your options are. Where do you want to go for dinner?
Me: I know what my options are, if I’m picking I want to go to Texas Roadhouse.
Hubby: We could go to Prime Quarter. Where do you want to go for dinner?
Me: OMG I DON’T CARE, PICK SOMEPLACE I DON’T EVEN WANT TO GO ANYMORE!!!!
Hubby: I don’t know why you are getting so angry I just want to know where you want to go for dinner.
Me: I’m angry because you’ve asked me that question a million times and I’ve given you the same answer every single time and you are not listening to me. I may as well just talk to the wall. It is very frustrating! You ask me a direct question, I give you a direct answer and you continue on like I haven’t said a word. It is exhausting! We are having a circular conversation that is just pissing me off and we are going to end up eating at Texas Roadhouse with me in a snit.
On a good day my response is: Texas Roadhouse, this is my final answer. If you ask me again I will stay home.
He genuinely does not understand that I find this conversation frustrating, tiring, insulting, and annoying. BUT his father is the same way. You should hear a conversation between the two of them! Neither one of is even aware that the other is speaking. It is a thousand times worse when we are on our way out the door. When we are visiting my in-laws you have to start saying good-bye an hour before you actually want to leave because you can’t get out the door.
In my husband’s case he really is trying to be thoughtful. In his mind he is giving me more options, he thinks he’s being thorough.
We have this conversation about EVERY decision! I’ll even preface it with: I am going to answer you, are you going to listen or are you going to ask me a thousand times before you actually believe I have made up my mind? He finds this insulting, I do not intend it to be.
My mom asked us to help her pick out a new car. He loves doing the research and visiting the dealerships. (Whereas I would simply call to get the answers to my questions.) My mother was mortified that I wasn’t helping him on this search. FINALLY Hubby found her a car that met her needs and was very reasonably priced. We were on our way to pick it up, the cashiers check was written out to the dealership for the exact amount he had previously negotiated for the car and he STILL asked her on the way there “would you like to stop here and look at what they have?”
Have you asked your mother why she does this? I just asked my husband why he does it and he really doesn’t have an answer.
__________________
I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
|