Thanks guys. That’s probably some of the best advice I have been given in a long time. I know Mandy cares about me and I care about her too. I’ve never been this is ‘in love’ with somebody since Jessica passed away and I want to love her with all my heart and soul. She has changed my life around and she has given me a reason to smile. She believes in me, she gives me strength, confidence and I have the ability to write again. I know the love she has given me is rare and I am never going to take her heart for granted. I am going to cherish every moment I spend with her from now on and I want to make her feel the same way she makes me feel when we are together.

I gave Mandy a poem yesterday when we were at the park and she told me I was really sweet and I was the kind of guy she always dreamed of finding. I just blushed and she kissed me and I should have said I felt the same way or something similar to that. I feel like every day I spend with her is a dream and I can't believe I finally have somebody who makes me feel the same way Jessica did. I think Jessica would approve too. Mandy is kind, intelligent, beautiful, altruistic, funny and she has a heart the size of an ocean. Those were the qualities that attracted me to Jessica too and I know she would want me to be happy. I’m always going to love her because she was the first girl I gave my heart to but I have enough room inside for Mandy too.

I need to start looking to the future more instead of living in the past. Mandy said Jessica and Rachel must have been amazing girls to make me the way I am now and she is right. I learned a lot of things from both of them and they made me the man I am today. I am ashamed of the things I did when Jessica passed away but I was listening to Amy Grant album today and it had a song with the lyric “I can be pure again in spite of my innocence lost.” Amy Grant was one of Jessica’s favourite singers and she used to always sing ‘Baby, Baby’ to me when we were young. I can understand that lyric.

Mandy and I did ‘it’ again last night and she said I was even better than I was the first time but it still hurt a bit so I am going to discuss lubrication with her. I was still nervous going in the second time but Mandy said it was alright and my nerves would fade the more times we did it. She was more vocal about her discomfort this time and we stopped and talked about it for a while before we continued. Mandy’s comfort and pleasure is most important to me so I am taking this very seriously.