I've been debating (for the first time seriously) going to see someone about my sadness and anxiety issues. I've struggled with these problems my whole life. I've had thoughts of suicide from the fourth grade, but I know it's not something I would ever do, so I've never been too concerned. These issues do have a major impact on my life and they do bother me, however I'm not sure that they would fit a DSM-IV diagnosis of depression/anxiety. I fit almost all of the categories, but I've always maintained a fairly high level of functioning. When I take online tests of depression and anxiety, they always say, "Extremely depressed/anxious. Seek treatment immediately." I put little stock into non-clinical tests though. I think the tendency for people to self-diagnose confounds the results too much to be useful. I have an aunt who has struggled with depression her whole life (needing to be institutionalized several times that I can remember), I know I've never suffered impairments like her. Yet, like I said, the sadness is always with me and does impact where I go and what I do. What has been bothering me the most lately is that I believe that the sadness is negatively effecting my work. I'm a PhD student in psychology (research side, not clinical) and I've been having trouble this semester. I've been lacking concentration and motivation, two essential parts of being a student. I also feel like a social misfit, like there's something inside of me that makes it impossible for me to ever fit in with my fellow students and colleagues. It's funny because I see the problems and mistakes in the classes I TA for. I make global, stable, and internal attributions for problems. I self handicap. I emotionally insulate. I see them, understand them, and even know where they come from in my own life, yet I can not correct them. I am generally anti-medication and anti-therapy (for me, not for others in general). So I ask, what was your biggest hurdle to starting therapy (drug or therapy)? Was it worth it? How did it effect you? Are you "better" now? I really would like to know.