Me too, space. And that I am an alien just visiting Urth and not understanding anything that's going on. I spent half a lifetime feeling that way every day and every night. These Urth people do such strange things for reasons that I cannot understand. And yes, it IS a terrible feeling, because one is the ONLY alien here and so a terribly lonely and confused alien. And, of course, I too "do not know how to live." The Urth people do dances I cannot follow, sing songs I cannot sing, do all kinds of things that mean nothing to me. How can I live here? How can I live here so alone?

Many, many years it was like that. But now I have a good T who is bringing me into Urth society and culture. And now I understand that despite my feelings, I really am an Urth person too, but things happened long ago that blocked off to me large parts of my mind and large parts of understanding others. So, if you look at a picture someone has cut big holes in then you can't see how the picture is really supposed to look. And that's how I looked around at the world and at people and at life, with big, huge pieces cut out. Of course it looked crazy. Of course it looked incomprehensible. It looked so terribly strange. For years and years. For decades and decades.

And then, with T's help, I started to understand that I had done this to myself, long, long ago. When I was a baby. They hurt me very, very much when I was tiny, and so I distorted the world and cut pieces out to make it possible to live with all the fear and the terror and the loneliness, to shut out all those bad things. But T has shown me how, when I shut out all those bad things, I also shut out many good things in the world. Things that make the world understandable, make people understandable, what they do and what they think. Now T shows me how to put the world together again so everything looks right and people look right and I understand what they're saying.

So. You need to find a good therapist, a psychologist, a person to help you and work with you so that you come back into the world and live a real life, a life that you understand, where you understand other people and they understand you. I don't know where you live, what country, what state. I don't know what's available to you in terms of therapists or psychologists. But it is very, very important that you find one and work with him or her to come back to Urth, where you belong, where you belong with people and they belong with you. And so you shall be saved. Take good care of yourself. You are worth it. No kidding.