Yes Perna, but as you say, you have 20 years of practice, I should think after all that time you would be imune to some extent. Oh, my, you have so much invested,
my experience with this type of communication is since this year, mid March. A mere six months under not the best of circumstances unfortunately. I don't think I will have the time for the exposure you have had to this.

No, my experience has been in real life experiences. I actually thought that I handled a lot of things well. Unfortunately my brain did not fair as well as I had thought. No, I have been so busy I have the original cell phone, my computer skills are basic, if that and I have never had time to facebook, twitter, or any of the other new tech available.

Now my biggest issue is my own brain. Maybe with your experience you probably noticed that. Did you notice when I first came how I was like a locomotion in my posts? I was so riddled with anxiety that this is all I could do. And I read line by line and posted one thought at a time to slow me down. Oh I am a super poster and I have made Poohbah, I haven't been counting, I have just been using one part of my brain to overcome the parts that have been hard to control.

I was struggling with something I thought I could just overcome like everything else.
Then I was handed a page from a workbook about grounding methods to help me overcome this brain issue. I read that page and saw all the grounding methods I had used since the age of two.

Byz, you just put up a link about truth and happiness and two pills. Well, one of those pills was shoved down my throat and I fell into a hole of a truth I never knew existed. Suddenly I cannot do anything, because everthing I did was connected to a trauma that presented flashbacks with an array of emotions that is well beyond a startle from an unexpected scare.

To be honest I feel like I have been sent to the twilight zone. All my life I NEVER thought I was intelligent, EVER! I was strapped to a child that was condemned and so I too was condemned. Everyone said he was stupid so therefore, I must be his stupid sister.

I just always thought of myself as very resourseful, but not intelligent. I spent most of my life trying to deal with some kind of issue that someone else had that I had to survive and accept and even forgive. And I never had any desire to cheat, hurt, abuse, or even be grander than any other person.

Well, then something happened and I broke. And I didn't realize how bad. Then I saw that word in my psychward records, extremely intelligent. And then I see it again in some more records and then I start hearing it from each person that is in the field of psychiatry and psycology that I come in contact with. And then my husband tells me I am just too smart and that I have always been just too smart. And then when I am talking to therapists they are telling me about their issues like I can solve them or because they want my view. And then I talk about how I have worked with students and my own philosophies and I am asked if I read this book and that book, and I have never heard of the books or the authors.

I have not gotten over that workbook and I am very afraid to open any book right now. I have been told that I should be a therapist at least five times in the last year. I had been having difficulty finding a therapist and so I just used PC until I could find someone who specialized in PTSD treatment. I had thought I found one that presented the workbook but he was a recovering herion addict, admitted habitual lier, and admitted he had narcissistic tendencies. And for some reason I learn things I should not really know, but often my sessions are more about intellectual exchange rather than therapy and so I hear things I shouldn't. But it can come in handy in the elimination process.

Now you think that I would be flattered by being told how smart I am. I am not, and I even find it creepy. And I talked to a specialist that my husband, through connections, found for me to talk to because I have been really struggling. And this person specializes in trauma treatment and by the end of our conversation she told me that what I have been doing with PC and working my frontal part of my brain has been a wise choice for me and that my efforts of the work I have done on my own have been really good. And she also told me that I was very smart and had a good understanding of psychology. This specialist travels all around to different trama facilities and teatment centers to work with different programs and therapists.

And my biggest issue is that I need the support of my family who are all used to me being the fixer and in control and they just don't get my issue. My own therapist is helping me with that. And he is also helping me with how I was overlooked intellectually and how that can happen in the atmosphere I grew up in.

I am in the twilight zone, I am not sure what to think about all of this. I have to be honest. But I havent been taking it very well, I am trying. And I may have some degree of capicity intellectually, but if I was all that smart I would not be dealing with this issue. Or I would have at least not let it get to me like this.

Micheal, I appreciate your honest responses, you lack empathy and I am sure I have too much of it is interesting. It is my resoursefulness that looks at your intelligence and ponders.
And I have seen you post some very good points. I just hate to see intelligence wasted on deception. But I can understand how you may find the emotional issues that arise from empathy
a waste of energy. I know all too well the energy emotions can take from the body now.

Michael, I think I can answer your question to the Byz. He is so much like my father, both extremely systemic individuals and extremely intelligent and well read. Perhaps when something has already been said the best way something can be said, it is often the best example of an opinion to put forth. I was the only one in my family that could really talk to my father and you have to ask the right questions to get to the spot where a true dialouge comes out. Most people don't know what my father is thinking and always assume it is because he doesn't like them when he doesn't engage. It is not that he doesn't like someone, he doesn't think one way or the other. And there are professions where time is of the essance and short, and to the point is best and can become a habit.

I like the way the Byz presents information alot, it is one way I can read and gently think about different issues. It has been good therapy for me to ponder something else besides my own issues.

Sorry, didn't mean to get off topic here. But I enjoyed the conversation. Nice to know you better Perna, you too Michael. And TheByz already knows I appreciate his input.
Open Eyes