I am posting here in the bipolar section partly out of desperation. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder at least twice and then re-diagnosed as not having bipolar disorder by different doctors. The first time that I was diagnosed was by an experienced psychiatrist who had treated me over a period of 6 years. When I had a period of being extremely disturbed, more than he had seen me be over the six years he had known me, he became pretty emphatic that he thought my diagnosis should be bipolar disorder. Then I ended up going through a string of different pdocs. (It's an involved story.)

I got real well for 3 and 1/2 weeks recently and it was pretty marvelous while it lasted, but I didn't get a normal amount of sleep. Then, the bottom dropped out of that, like always. I was less well. Today I have become really less and less well. Extremely anxious and depressed. Years and years of repeated mood alterations have damaged my life and me. For the past 15 years, whatever is wrong with me has become progressively worse. Now I've been out of work for months.

I'm afraid I'm losing my stability and will not be able to cope with things. To have been singing to myself just the other day, hopeful, and now this horror state of mind. I don't have any family around me. Only my next door neighbor has a good idea that I have a big problem.

I don't know what my point is. Does it really matter if doctors make big changes in my diagnosis? Does it really matter what they call it? I started getting treated over 30 years ago. Isn't that a long time for there not to be firmer conclusions? Lately, my strategy has been to keep moving doing anything rather than brood and worry. Does anyone recognize being so afraid of the inside of your own head?

I don't have real mania. Never psychotic mania. For years I stopped getting what I think could have been called hypomania. Then recently that came back and it was far preferable to being depressed. I got a lot done. Maybe I should just concentrate on doing constructive things, or anything I can manage to do if I am not in good shape.