I did meet with the psychologist and was pleasantly suprised by his demeanor and relational style. I have to admit that I had reservations about meeting with him due to his age (70) and having no idea what he looked like. I know that sounds awful and shallow, but certain physical traits are very distracting to me. He actually resembles Robert Redford a bit.

It was quite a change from my previous therapist's office. I never had to encounter his other clients since there was a separate exit. I was sitting in the waiting room fretting about the fact that I was going to have to encounter a patient on my fisrt visit. I was somewhat taken aback when his client came out and began singing his praises to me and apologizing profusely for the session running over (she was late). I had another odd encounter upon leaving. The next client (a middle-aged man) wanted to chat with me as well. This was quite a novel experience, but something that I welcomed since it should help with any future issues over possessiveness.

The psychologist was attentive and insightful. I discussed my issues regarding my previous T and I realized that a lot of my issues with him are negative transference due to associating his behavior with my mother's. It's no suprise that my relating in sessions has become increasingly hostile. Frankly, I don't think that I can get past that issue with him since it has made disclosure and trust near impossible. I guess that would explain my intense erotic tranference to T within a few weeks of analysis. All those deprivations and unmet infantile needs surfaced with a vengeance. Of course, T discouraged processing the erotic so I never had any clarity on it until now.

I am going to have one (possibly 2) sessions with my previous T for the purpose of closure. In spite of all the misattunements, I have an attachment to him and need the closure to grieve the loss (not like I haven't been crying and fretting over this for days). Just trying to have faith that this is the right decision and that I'll eventually be at peace with it.