<font color="red"> </font> This might not make any sense, so bear with me, okay?
It's hard for me sometimes, not to be angry...not to let every little thing set me off. I keep the anger inside, and I hold it there, because it never has anything to do with the situation I'm dealing with at the time. When I'm asked what's wrong, there's no explaining it. In fact, that makes me even more angry. It's always there. Most times I keep it in check, and sometimes I'm even able to block out the thoughts and feelings that bring me to the point of acting out. I remind myself that I'm with someone who loves me. Sometimes that doesn't work, and I just lose my temper, and everyone is a target. Of course, my SO can't see what I'm thinking, and she won't understand that it's nothing she did, so then SHE'S upset. Sometimes it's hard not to feel like somebody's out to get me, y'know? Like somebody wants to punish me. It's exhausting..it's maddening. Normal, everyday things aren't 'normal' for me...they're triggers, and I never know what will set me off. I tell my therapist that she needs to consider committing me. She understands where I'm at, but does she understand how exhausting it is some days, just trying to function? Like I said...I don't know if this makes any sense to anybody..I'm just hoping to be understood. <font color="red"> </font>