Judith Eve Lipton, M.D., and her husband, David Barash, Ph.D., authored a book entitled: Payback: Why We Retaliate, Redirect Aggression, and Take Revenge where they "... analyze the biology, ethology, sociology, and history of getting even, and in the last chapter, [they] describe a series of alternatives."

One alternative is The Forgiveness Protocol:

1. Say you are sorry.

2. Make an inventory of how your behavior might have hurt or harmed someone. Ask that person if the list is complete, and correct your list to reflect a complete account of the costs of your behavior.

3. Say you are sorry again. Be prepared to say this many times.

4. Tell the other person exactly how you understand the costs of your behavior, and allow the other person to vent, elaborate, or reiterate as needed so that the other person really feels heard.

5. Clarify with the other person if the behavior was a simple accident, a mistake, a mistaken calculation of costs and benefits, or a deliberate deed. This part is not easy and takes time and attention. "Thoughtlessness" is one of the most common sources of problems, and may reflect recurrent self-centeredness. Intentional acts of revenge or malice also require great insight to acknowledge.

6. Humbly ask forgiveness. Describe your inner state of guilt, remorse, sadness, grief, anger or whatever.

7. Describe what you have learned from the incident. Show insight and awareness, or yourself and your mistake, and the other person and his/her pain.

8. List what you will do or change to avoid a repetition of the incident.

9. Clarify what penalties to expect if you make a mistake, or transgress again. Discuss what each of you will do to avoid a repetition.

10. Say you are sorry, yet again.

Dr. Lipton explains:

Too many people believe that simply saying sorry one time should suffice, if we have hurt somebody's feelings. However, the legal code is more clear: if you hurt somebody's car, you have to pay the damages. It can be difficult to itemize emotional costs, but to heal, it must be done. In effect, the Forgiveness Protocol offloads the pain and suffering of a victim back onto the perpetrator, by making the perpetrator humble, thoughtful, and indebted, in other words, subordinated, with a need to pay back the injury with considerable amends. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...harmed-another

Forgiveness is a difficult concept for many to accept. I have benefited from resolving some of my problems through forgiveness. There are times I must remind myself forgiveness is a process. It does not happen overnight.

My Dad passed ten years ago. I talk to him nonetheless, and seek to forgive and to be forgiven.