Well, everyone
therapy came, and therapy went. No hospital yet. But I now have emergency T number for off hours, and she wants to start working on things slowly. She also mentioned that the patterns I talked about between going good and falling apart sound like I may be bipolar as well..

Terrific. Whee. :P

We are going to start the courage to heal book and workbook, which I have started and ripped up three times in fear.

I feel numb now after falling apart.

I told her about the cutting. She didnt seem to make a big deal of it, but she made me show her, my whole left forearm is slashed to heck, but not deep thank god we were wise enough to stop...and i was so ashamed..


Told her about the spacing out, told her about the missing blocks of time. didnt specifically mention any of the rest of us, I dont trust her enough yet and the others wont let me anyways.

She gave us a card with the crisis line number wrote in big numbers in red.

I guess it went ok. I would have liked to get some further ideas to help deal with the urges to cut, but I guess at the same time it is only the first session.

Just want to lay in my bed and be still for a while.

Thought of all of you today though, and it helped to know that I had something to come home to and dish to.

Thanks everyone..

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I feel like i should be more upset, like earlier, but i just feel numb