My biggest hurdle in starting Therapy, would be the ability to let go of the Professional persona that I had created to hide the pain of who I am, the duality created as a result of lack of trust, in another human being, afraid that by letting go of the only part of my life that was functional, would spiral me downward into the dark abyss of nonbeing again. My Professional Integrity is all I have left, but the inside pain was killing me, the fear of someone else knowing how insane my inner world is, my adaptation processes, so I would have to say John the ability to trust someone else with all the vulnerability that would come from self disclosure knowing that this could destroy the essence of my illusions of being the only part of myself I have left to be. Having a career in Healthcare at the Corporate levels, I know all to well the Stigma associated with seeking help, but again the duality of this mental disorder I carry, was overwhelming and still is a challenge, but without the Therapy the same driven passion to do what I do everyday, would have been directed toward a cliff with the same conviction. I wrote once that " I have a role, we play it well, to bad when were not playing, I am living in Hell."

Therapy has saved my life, it is changing my perceptions, and given me the one thing I lacked most, the knowledge that I can trust and be vulnerable, but make wise choices in doing so, and that change and growth is a life long journey and not a drive around the block. I have been prescribed multiple medications during this process, but I am very much against using them, and do so sparingly, (prn). I will offer my testimonial to the therapy process, and the ability it has to change a person’s life, and to offer them the chance to live one. By a long shot, I have a ways to go, there are days I am mired in the valley muck, staring longingly at mountain tops and blue sky, and then there are the days that I am on the mountain top, thankful for the process which is helping me to learn to reach its summits.

I hope you find peace John.