I don't recall in going... it was a long time ago. But I can assure you that I wouldn't be alive if I hadn't gone and continue to go.

(((John))) I would say you are definitely depressed. Admitting you need help seems to be your biggest hurdle? I'm glad that you've realized it. You don't have to continue to live with suicidal thoughts, and all that sadness. Being depressed doesn't carry quite the stigma it did years ago... please go talk with a professional. You can always decide not to go back.