Hello chippie. It does NOT sound like you mess everything up. IMO your mother seems to be laying very unfair negativity on you. maybe she is depressed and can only see the negative in things.

it was so thoughtful of you to offer to take your mother to lunch. she says it wasted her time but it was your time too, time that you thoughtfully chose to spend with her and then she turned it into an unpleasant experience.

i don't know how she can say you didn't think things through. if the restaurant was closed i'm sure it was unexpected and having a restaurant closed at lunchtime is an unusual occurance that one would not expect. when i, and i think most people, go to an informal restaurant for lunch or even dinner we hop in the car and go, we don't call ahead to make sure that it is going to be open, call the traffic department to see if any of the roads are closed, call the gas station to make sure they are open so we have enough gas to get to the restaurant and back. expecting a restaurant to be open for lunch is a reasonable thing and not something most people would "plan ahead" for.

and anyway it shouldn't have mattered that the restaurant was closed. you still took the time to go to the restaurant with her. and wasn't spending time with her the point? i think you wanted to go there for some "together time" not solely for food, and you did get that together time, too bad she won't or is unable to appreciate it.

try not to let her comments or name calling get to you. they are unfair comments and are hurtful to you. i hope you can work things out with her so you can have a better future with her.

chippie, do you suffer from depression? are you getting treatment? this is something i think you should discuss with your therapist if you have one, and it may be beneficial for you mom to attend therapy too, alone or with you, although she might refuse that option. at the very least if you are in treatment alone it can help you realize that this is something bugging her and has nothing to do with you, your intellegence, or your thoughtfullness, which you seem to have in abundance.

good luck.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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