WOW you seem like such a strong and resilient person. I hear where you are coming from in terms of your passed over gramps. My nana died several years ago and when she passed over I was convinced my nan was coming to see me every day. I also made the mistake of telling my mum i was prpmptly committed to the psych ward.i still like to tell myself that my nan was coming to see me i find it very comforting. I hope that you find what you are looking for this place is great wish id found it years ago Peace love and happeness