I just got 7 months saturday. Monday my house flooded. I walked through that pretty well considering the circumstance. Now nothing is wrong, the house is fine, i've taken all the actions i should have, and i'm crazy. I was doing great, handling everything, and now i'm researching whether or not i'm an alcoholic. I already know the answer. It's like i'm searching for a loophole again. i miss drinking lately. i know its only one day at a time but i can't help but consider that for the rest of my entire life i am expected to do everything completely sober. i think if i walk away now i can live alone somewhere and not hurt anyone too much, i don't need to take this any further or grow attached to any more people. maybe i overcorrected. I hate when these thoughts come that make me question what i'm doing. I start trying to figure out how to drink, and lie and keep what i've gotten thus far. my brain is a twisted place sometimes. im happier now than i've ever been and i'm doing better than ever, but when i start to follow my thoughts down this path it gets pretty difficult to remember that. i had 8 months once before. i'm trying to remember how i felt after i left, its elusive though. My brain forgets the bad sometimes. i'm sure i'll figure it out, i've got a lot more to lose now, but it doesn't mean it isn't still difficult at times.