This is a copy of a post I made in rainbow8's thread about hugs:

I do not enjoy casual hugs at all. I have family who hug coming and going and it is meaningless to me. Diluted, I guess.

As I was waiting in the waiting room for my T this past week, another person arrived and was waiting. I was a little nervous because the week before my T had double booked and had to tell the other person that she had mad a mistake; it all worked out fine but I did feel bad for the other patient. Before my T came to get me, the other patient's therapist came out and said her name; when she was near her therapist, the therapist lit up and said How ARE you! and gave her a big hug.

me: *pouts a little*

So, this became the opening for my session.
Back to the hug.
Which in the course of talking about it, I realized that I'm not ready for a hug. I struggle so much with the slightest bit of closeness, as much as I want it. It was good, and even relieving to me to realize that.
She said again that I seem to have the idea that a hug would *never* happen.
That's because early on she declined, saying that if she thought it would be helpful she would be she didn't think it would be. She later said that it was not a blanket "No" but a response to where I was at that time. She, of course, won't say what would be a good time or reason, or how a hug might be helpful. Good thing because that would really influence me greatly. I tried to figure it out on my own and that didn't work. lol. Then I moved away from idealizing her and the intense desire for a hug subsided.

So seeing the other therapist hug her patient brought it up again.
I was thinking about it today, enjoying a fantasy hug from my T ( ), the fantasy hug was offered by my T unexpectedly and my reaction was a teary Thank You, then a step back and a deeper heart-felt Thank You but I could say no more. I realized then that the desire for a hug right now may be that I wish I could express my gratitude verbally, but I am not able to. The 'why' of that is a whole 'nother expedition

But I know that when I can, I will treasure the words and the ability to express them.
And if a hug, while nice, might keep me from realizing this goal.
Yet the desire for the hug, and fantasizing about it, brought me to the place where I can acknowledge to myself that I want to be able to say Thank You so she hears it and so she feels it - not in a tactile way, but on an emotionally connected level.

What words would your hug represent?