There are a lot of really interesting thoughts in this post.

I first think about my own history of hugging. My mom is really the only huggy person in my family, and her hugs are like her personality, warm and caring. One of my brothers is an ***, and the other is a sweetheart. Both their wives are great, and I hug both of them. My nephews (guess who their dad is) barely speak to me and I think they'd about die if I hugged them, but I hug and goof around with my nieces all the time.

I'm kind of a moderately huggy person. I do think that I usually don't initiate hugging because I'm super paranoid about hugging someone when they don't want it, but I freely give hugs when my friends initiate it. I'll often initiate moderate physical contact, like nudging the arm, putting a hand on the shoulder, of people that I know. I'm very affectionate with my son and usually with my husband, who probably initiates way more hugs than I do. I have a client in prison (I'm a lawyer) who hugs me coming and going and tells me she loves me and has for years. I'm not sure how that go started, but I'm okay with it. I'm sure many of my colleagues would say it's unlawyerly or that it represents some problem with boundaries, but I am quite sure there is no boundary issue unless you consider caring about people as wrong. And I hugged another client of mine (also incarcerated) for the first time in the 3 years that I worked with her. I just felt like it in the moment, I was standing right next to her and said, is it okay if I hug you and she said please. I do felt I communicated something in that moment that I couldn't say directly, like reassurance and hope and just a solid sense that she really mattered to me, and so did her case.

See, it's much less threatening to talk about hugging in the context of the work I do. If I think about it from the perspective that you've shared, it's not so clear to me. The most adult and professional part of me says, hugging is for babies just starting therapy, I don't want or need a hug from my T, I am so WAY beyond that. [you can wipe off your computer screen now from your snort].

It's really interesting to me to think about your questions because for you it seems to be about what you would give to your T through a hug, not what she would give to you. I think about hugging as getting something from him, maybe something I do not want (more closeness, more connection) or something I do want (comfort, safety) or just . . . . more.

Sorry that I didn't exactly answer your question. I don't always do well following instructions.

Anne