I agree with the others...

you sound like someone who is really trying to do right... I just wanted to remind you that this type of reaction (your mom's) is all about HER--not you. This is HER problem, not yours.

There is a natural desire to have a good relationship with our moms. As long as we honor ourselves, then we are free to be the best child to our parents that we can be.

When we are little children, we don't make those choices, in fact we don't even know there are choices. Now, as adults, we do --and must-- make choices that are in OUR best interest.

Try to keep reminding yourself in times like these that this is HER problem, not yours. It isn't about you, what type of person you are etc, but about HER and what kind of person she is.

PS I have had very similar experiences. It took a long time in therapy for me to realize that some things just "happen" and it wasn't MY fault, say, if the restaurant wasn't open, or the meal wasn't very good etc. NO ONE has to be at fault. NO ONE has to be blamed.

<font color=green>...I can misspeak like the best of us</font color=green>