I understand what you are saying, too. It is not easy to let go of compulsion to judge everything. After all, we are all possessed by the orginal sin. And it was not just any old knowledge we gobbled up, oh no!, it was knowledge of GOOD and EVIL. Prior to that we were innocent. If something happened, it happened, it was neither good nor evil, it just was. Now we feel that if we stop the judgment the whole world will go to hell. We see so much evil and we believe if we do not fight it, protest it, suffer over it, we will fail in our duties to the world.

I watched movie "Kundun". It is about life of Dalai Llama up to his escape to India. As the monks educate him, he is being told that his duty is to just love, love everyone and everything, that's all. Towards the end of the movie, there is a scene where he is overcome by visions of slaughter and horror being perpertrated by the Chinese invaders upon his people. He stands surrounded by piles of murdered, tortured to death bodies, spreading in cirlces outwards from him, on to infinity. And it struck me how unnatural, according to my convictions, the reaction the actor portrayed was. He felt the unimaginable slaughter, he did not close himself off from it, I could see it touching him deep within, yet he did not respond with just rage: "we must kill these monsters who do it!", "we must fight to the death!", "to arms!". This, I realized, was indeed buddha of compassion, being thrust upon shoulders of slight 18 year old kid. Could I have done it? Could I have continued to "just love" when faced with that? I didn't think it was possible, and yet that's what one human being had done.

Other human beings found God in unlikeliest of places, in concentration camps, in terminal wards, on death rows.

My best wishes to you on your search.