Nicole
The thing with our feelings, is that they are fleeting, they come and they go. Just breathe through them, like childbirth. You say what you are feeling now, the electricity, is just annoying, but if you cut it will go away. I have seen in other posts how ashamed you were for cutting, how worried you were for disappointing T and I gather that those feelings are way stronger and deeper and stay with you longer than the annoying feeling that you are wanting to 'cut away" now. I think that if you gave feelings a chance, before you jump to the idea of cutting, you might find that they arent as hard to cope with than you think they are. Meaning they arent any worse than the stress you put on yourself in fighting the urge to cut instead. Do you get what I mean? Emotionally, it would be equally taxing on you to deal with the feeling youre running from as it is for you to fight it by wanting to cut. Who knows, it may even be easier to deal with the feeling? You dont know until you try.

As I learned, feelings are fleeting. I learned I just had to wait them out. I would get hit with an "oh my god i want to kill myself" moment and i learned to just sit with it. I didnt have to dive in and feel all that pain and work on the whys I felt that way or why it came up, I just sat with it and let it be until it passed, knowing that it would pass and that i didnt have to take any action with that feeling. and eventually it did pass. i knew i wouldnt always feel that way, that sometimes i jsut felt like killing myself and it was ok to have those feelings as long as i didnt act on them. i can feel like cutting, which i havent done for a couple years now, but still think about doing probably about once a month. and i just acknowledge that feeling and let it sit until it passes. i dont freak out about it. its a perfectly natural thought for me. i dont try to stuff it. i just let it BE. and i let it pass. I know it is fleeting and will go away if i dont add energy to it. "the feeling is fleeting" is one of my mantras. i repeat it as often as necessary. sometimes its my lifeline.