I've made it back. I've been following but I figured with my own things going on if I tried to reply I would end up triggering and replying more based on my situation than yours. Even though that's what I've been doing all along....I mean to say it would be less sensible and more emotional.

Taking some time to gather your wits can help. This is such an overwhelming situation sometimes a little bit of space really is needed.

RS,I was thinking about this because we sort of approached this from two opposite ends in reacting to our situations. You mentioned that you were vocal about it and I have so much of a tendency not to be. I think in a way our own personalities factor into how we react to Brianna's bf. Maybe because you aren't proud of your reaction when you see any similarities in anger or hurt that he's feeling you get angry because it reminds you of past actions. Whereas on my side because I sometimes feel like I didn't disturb enough ****, I will over-rationalize his feelings.
Ok end tsol playing therapist.

For the past...I get that he's recalling it. My bf had one previous relationship before we met and I didn't have much to go on with it. But what I had I analyzed. Even when I was doing it, I knew it didn't make sense. THIS WAS BEFORE I WAS IN THE PICTURE! WTH DOES IT MATTER? I know there were times that I tested his commitment to our relationship in the past year. And there were times when I hoped he would fail. I wanted an excuse to walk away because it had to be easier. Maybe, in looking at the past I was trying to find something that would finally be a deal breaker. In older posts he had said that he thinks you prefer one night stands. I think he is doing something similar to what I did. -Trying to find that undefendable flaw

But the before-me didn't last long. As I slowly found tiny pieces of sanity I focused more on our relationship. And I analyzed probably every female he had spoken to in the 5 years we had been together. Because, those are the things that matter.

My suggestion for sharing what you've been internally investigating would work a lot better if you were physically together. Like you could have a basket placed somewhere that's out of the way but you both know where it is. You could write out what you've been thinking/learning and place letters in the box. The he could read them when he feels ready. If there's something important you could let him know. Then he could ask questions or write back. Now this is sounding a lot like email. Maybe you could open a specific account and he could have that forwarded to a folder rather than his inbox. That way he sees it's there but if he's not having a great day he doesn't have to respond right away.

Brianna,If you look at the big picture. Before all this came into the situation and into the future, does the good outweigh the bad? You aren't "supposed" to endure any of it, that sounds too obligatory. You stay and work on it until the bad outweighs the good.