Thanks for all your support, truth is i was drinking last night, never a good idea for me. Alchoholisim runs in my family, i become belligerent and suicidal whenever i drink...so i "quit" for a couple months...Anyways after some sleep, some reflection on what was said and reading your replies, i have decided that i'm actually very hurt and angry with him, i resent him for alot of things and i think honestly until i deal with those things it will be very very very difficult for me to change my behavior towards him, that doesnt mean impossible...so i'm going to try really hard to tell him that i love him and just let him know when i am mad/angry/anxious without blaming him for it.
Thanks guys you are real life savers.