I didn't have the best childhood. My mom was mean, emotionally, and physically abusive of me, and she was an alcoholic. I didn't really ever have a relationship with her until I was grown and out of her house. I was scared to even talk to her growing up. My dad was there, but only sometimes, my parents were divorced, and I only saw my dad every other weekend. He had his own new family. He remarried and his new wife treated me like I was a piece of scum. I heard her talking to my dad about me saying that I was going to grow up to be a slut like my mom. She thought I was asleep, but I always heard everything. when she looked at me you could see how little she thought of me with the dirty looks she gave me. I was 7. I hated going over there, and as often as I could, I would try to get out of it. I ran away from home the first time when I was 12.
when I was 7 my mom started taking care of her boyfriend's nephew who was mentally slow, because when he was 3 he was kicked in the head by a horse. Things were fine for a while, he was nice, we got along. He was 16. After a while, he started asking me if I knew what sex was, and had me look at these pornographic books. Next thing I know he had me in the closet, and was trying to do disgusting things with me. I didn't know any better at first. This went on for a while, then one night my mom caught him in the act. She didn't get mad at him, she screamed at me, and called me a dirty little slut. Her and the boy's father talked, and she said she wouldn't press charges. From then on out, everytime I would get in trouble with her, she would say, "Do you want me to tell everyone that you were having sex when you were 8 years old, and are a little slut." I repressed those memories the best that I could, and never told anyone. I was molested again by a cousin a couple years later.
My teen years were troubling, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd, started smoking, drinking, and doing drugs. It was a downward spiral from there. I was very depressed, and whenever I told anyone I needed to go see someone about it they just said to me "what do you have to be depressed about !?" My grades started slipping from me being an honor student, and I almost didn't graduate. I started cutting myself, and once I got on meds for depression, I abused them. I took 5 or 6 Xanax at a time, or one every hour, until I could barely function, and passed out. A couple times I almost od'ed.
My senior year I met my husband. It was amazing, I quit doing everything bad, and only had a couple slip ups with pot. Next thing I knew we were married and had a baby, and he went off to the Army. we have had a pretty rocky relationship, but we make it through. we love eachother. I will explain the rest another time. For now, this is my story. I have never told anyone before. I am super anxious now that I got it out there. Please respond.