thank you for this post!!

i haven't started therapy yet..it's coming soon though. i really want to get started soon...REALLY SOON

i probably don't sleep enough but i do what i can. i am proud of the fact that i do take care of myself in practally every other way. i eat right, have a physically demanding job that keeps me in shape and i'm going to go to my first CoDA meeting next week. i really want to have something started before i go to my therapist. my girlfriend and i talk almost every day about what's going on. in a very loving and supportive way we talk about what i'm doing, how my behaviors are distructive. she has been through this before and i trust her. i'm finally realizing how deep i have these characteristics and behaviors set into my personality. i've been like this for well over 25 years. i barely remember a time when i valued my own sense of worth over someone elses opinion of me. i put on a really great front as this super nice guy who is always helpful and supportive. it's really easy to do that when you're not supporting yourself or being your own person. i'm a chameleon. i'm not me, i'm everyones perception of me. i don't know how to be myself, i know how to be what you want, but i don't know how to be what i want. because i don't know what i want, or who i am....i know who and what i want to be but i'm clueless as to how to get there. i recognize that i'm not in control of my emotions, i have no control of what others do and i'm starting to see that i don't have to save everyone. i don't have to help everyone, they can make it on their own. sometimes people don't need help or want any help. they enjoy the challenge or just knowing that they are fine on their own and can get by just fine without anyone "saving" them. it's been a long time coming for this and i'm ready for this recovery to begin.