Okay, we'll go with that for now--with one caveat: You do not need to be hurt to be made to feel uncomfortable about how you treat people. Pain does not teach ethics, the Spanish Inquisition notwithstanding.
A loving spouse who helps his mate by hurting her.... Do you really buy that?
Besides, you are uncomfortable about how you treat people, which is part of why you posted here.

Thank you, by the way, for relating some good qualities. My very best friend ever had a grand sense of humor. She also pick-pick-picked at me sometimes until she provoked a fight. I hated that! But I loved her.

Hold on tight--I'm about to give you a compliment which, in light of these recent discussions, you do deserve. Ready?

You do your best to be honest with yourself and others.