i think you're just confused of the closeness you had and set some boundaries.. i have a male cousin which is 3 years older than me. I usually hang out with him a lot when we were kids until before I went to college. we always share emotions and feelings to each other. We tell everything about us and we never lie to each other. He lays his head on my lap and while I''m combing his hair through my fingers. My grandfather always divert my cousin's attention away from me and he sees our relationship as incest. But luckily, my cousin and I (I guess) never occurred a romantic love relationship.