Im sure most of you have an idea about my current situtation.

I feel right now like im walking through an emotional minefield, Ive made arrangements to see a psycologist as suggested to help me with some of those issues, but that wont start for another couple of weeks and Im a little worried about how Im feeling at the moment.

Ive lost a lot over the last few weeks, my best friend, my love, and my shot at a "normal" life in fact anything that Ive held close for the last few years, now I look around while I write this and I see me refelcted back in the mirror and I dont recognise myself anymore. 6 years ago I was a happy go lucky guy sailing through life, sure I had problems but nothing I couldnt ever deal with, I fought alot and generally got into a lot of trouble, but nothing ever seemed to phase me. Now I look at the last few weeks of my life and I feel like Im falling apart. Ive never had any issues taking care of myself Ive alway been a strong forceful person, granted I spent a lot of my time feeling alone, but at the same time never had any problems connecting with people, but I ahve always felt different from other people, sort of standing outside looking in and pretending Im one of them. I guess most people feel like that at one time or another right?

So after the last few weeks ive been feeling somewhat emotionally drained and given how badly i can deal with said emotions, this has a had a knock on effect on my day to day life because all I feel right now is sad and lonely, I guess thats normal after a separation but I just want those feelings to go away, the problem is the just dont seem to be. Normally occupying my time in some way would help (listening to music, playing my violin, gaming, reading writing) but Im finding that even that isnt helping now, and Im not really sure what to do, because no matter what I start out doing my thoughts end up in the same place "her". I know I have to move past this and focus on my future, and I keep telling myself "que sera sera" but it doesnt help. Is there a healthy way for me to deal with these feelings without locking them away, or ignoing them??

Ive never been a big drinker and as I quit smoking pot Im pretty much dry these days but this weekend I went a bit crazy, and well I drank A LOT, this helped to a degree becuase it almost numbed me to my feelings, but I dont want to start down that slippery path, covering or numbing my feelings with substance abuse.