Hello & Welcome, Riza92!
Wow.
Many griefs, many traumas, and your body betrays you.
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...my mind goes nuts 24 hrs a day.
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I'm not surprised.
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...its like my brain is somebody else and all I can do is listen to it.
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Outstanding description of depression!
Is there someone you could enlist as your advocate, someone who knows "the system" where you live who can speak to all the right people for you?
Wishing you a measure of healing!
__________________
My dog
mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.