My Support Forums - View Single Post - Social Anxiety & Class Participation (HELP!!)

+Fight+The+Illness+ · 06:47 PM

UPDATE

I talked to my professor face-to-face today about my social anxiety...IT WENT NOTHING LIKE I PLANNED IT TOO!!! Oh my goodness, telling my professor about my social anxiety happened in the WORST way possible.

We were about to start group work and he passed out worksheets for us. Well, I got extras and I went to take them up to him. But let me tell you this:

I've been containing my anxiety and stress since the semester started on August 18th. So it's just been building day-by-day, and I haven't been coping with it well at all. Anyway...

When my professor started tell us about the work we were to do in groups, I felt my anxiety rise even more. And before I could do anything, I started to feel the anxiety turn into panic. I felt myself going into a panic attack, and I couldn't fight against it because it was gaining strength very fast. So when I went to take the extra sheets up to my professor, I felt the panic continue to intensify, and before I knew it, I started having a panic attack.

As soon as I started hyperventilating, trembling even more, and on the verge of tears, I saw the look of shear panic cross my professor's face. He asked me if I was okay and I could hear the worry in his voice. And before I moved, I felt him start to gently push me towards the door and into the hallway.

I slid down to the floor and did my best to calm down by focusing every brain cell on my breathing. I have tremors b/c of medication, but it looked like I was having some kind of seizure b/c I was shaking so badly. I did my best to not cry, but that didn't really work.

I was absolutely terrified b/c I couldn't breathe and I completely lost control of everything about me. I became claustrophobic as I continued to try and breathe. It's been a while since I've had a panic attack. I was so incredibly embarrassed that I couldn't take my eyes off of my knees (I had them up against my chest).

But what kind of surprised me the most was my professor's reaction. When I walked up to him, he instantly looked worried/concerned and the first thing he said to me was "Are you okay?" When he realized that I wasn't okay, he started to push me towards the door and into the hallway. He certainly wasn't 'rude' about it or anything along that line; and it wasn't so much "pushed", but "guided" me towards the door. As soon as I sank to the floor, he closed the door and sat next to me (which was one of the biggest things that surprised me). He didn't say anything at first and I think it's b/c he knew I needed to calm down a little bit on my own; he started talking when I stopped crying...well I was the one who started talking after I stopped crying. I told him that I was so incredibly sorry for what happened and that's when I told him that I have Social Anxiety.

But the first thing he said was that I didn't have to apologize for anything or feel bad/guilty for what happened. He even put his hand on my back to try to make me calm down a bit more (I was surprised again, but knew that it was just a comforting gesture). And I'm not sure if I'm right about this or not, but I think I felt him shaking a little bit; he still looked/sounded worried.

We all know that when we get nervous/anxious/worried, we become parched. Same thing with my professor. Well, there was a water fountain across from us and he went up to get a drink of water (that's when my feeling of him actually being worried about me increased). But then I became confused when he said that he had to go to the restroom and when he started walking away, I noticed that he was walking much faster than he usually does. And there was a trashcan at the end of the hallway and when I was looking at my knees again, I heard a bizarre sound and turned to look where my professor started walking to.

He's the kind of person who vomits whenever he's worried/scared.

I was shocked to say the least b/c he didn't seem like that kind of person. But he continued to the restroom (to rinse his mouth out, I'm assuming). But when he came back, he confirmed that he was the kind of person who gets sick when they're worried/scared. That honestly blew me away b/c I realized that my professor was so worried about me and scared, that he got sick.

And he sat with me in the hallway for the majority of the class, but went back into the classroom twice to make sure the other students were doing what they were supposed to. I honestly didn't how to react at the time b/c I've never had a professor/mentor become so worried about me and so scared that they literally get sick.

So he told me to stop by his office as soon as I could and like mentioned above, he's in his office more often that he posts. He said that we can find ways to accommodate my social anxiety with the class and things like that. And apparently he knows a couple people who are really shy, so he kind of know how it works, but he did say that he doesn't know anyone who has been diagnosed with Social Anxiety.

But the whole situation was really overwhelming. I had a panic attack and my professor reacted in a way that I didn't think he would. I had a strong feeling that he's kind-hearted, approachable, and caring, but I didn't think that those traits were as prominent as they are. He seemed to really care and was truly worried and scared (I feel strongly that he was truly those things).

He even walked out of the building with me after class b/c I was still shaking a bit. Now, during class, I crumple a piece of paper to help with my anxiety. You know, I crumple it up into a ball, flatten it out, and then crumple it up again. And he told me that he's always wondered why I do that, and he "made fun of me" about it. He was just kidding though.

So yeah...I rambled on quite a bit ^^; Sorry about that, but that's what happened and I'll keep you posted on what happens when I talk to him more in depth about my anxiety.