Tree - that's not a comfortable place to be. Been there. I hope what you need shows up or dawns on you. Maybe you're learning how to treat yourself when you feel like that?? I don't know....I'm learning that a common thing in my therapy is that I have to go thru it, not around it or ignore it and then examine the feelings... Ignoring feelings is one of the things that brought me to the point of needing therapy...I'm not saying that's what you're doing. Guess I'm just thinking out loud. Anyway, I hope you feel better soon.