Ok. Now that I have some energy and am healing up, I can write about this. Would appreciate any insights others have. And yes, I will talk this over with my T on Tuesday - maybe. LOL.

My T uses a dry erase board. I have used it from time to time in session.
Last week I was talking about my self image (something I am working on) and put some things on the board about it. No big deal.

I had not put anything on the whiteboard in a while, but had used it when I first started seeing my T. Oddly, that is also a way I used to get intouch with my alters (DID) in private, so it felt natural to use a whiteboard with my T. I remember I would always want to be the one to erase it, but T would tell me to leave it up. He would erase it later on after I left, but I never thought anything about it. It felt like my "stuff" was safe there with him on the whiteboard even if he erased it later on.
And I have come into session many times and saw the stuff from other clients, and I kinda smiled inside thinking how T thought about things a lot. He is WAY too bright!

Anyway, the last session I had that "stuff" on the board when we left.
But as I was about to walk out the main office door, I turned my head to glance back at my T - kinda a final glance to hold with me as it had been a very good session.

There T stood erasing my junk!

I didn't think or feel anything at the time outside of knowing that what I saw had hit me inside where I don't let things get me. But that night I bawled about it! I let myself feel everything and realized it was the very young part of me that felt this. Not an alter, but the me that has always been me. The me I am most afraid of knowing I think.

I used my skills my T taught me and I realized with my adult "scientist" brain that T may have been keeping my session private. Or he may have needed to write something himself. Or he may have had a next client who liked to use the whiteboard and T was giving him a blank slate.

But my little kid monkey brain was flat out hurt. I can't figure out why that triggered my little part so deeply. But I will deal with that in session tomorrow. All I know is my little part was like "I will NEVER EVER EVER write on his stupid board again for the rest of my life!!!" -- insert kicking of feet and pounding clenched fists into the floor.

Has anyone else here had this happen? How did you feel and deal with it?

PS - I just shot myself in the foot because I sent this post to my T - so now I WILL have to face it! UGGG!