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Aug 29, 2011, 09:31 PM
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I was feeling REALLY normal & well during most of yesterday. Other than a few aches & pains, it was the first time I felt stable in weeks. It was such a breath of fresh air, especially since my depression hit me somewhere around 2 weeks ago... So I was feeling really optimistic, but not overly so! It was nice.
For when my arthritis or migraines get really bad, I have a small amount of Tramadol (Ultram) 325mgs to get me through it, since I can no longer take NSAIDs. The first time I took it, since I wasn't used to them, I was really itchy & nervous, but all of the other times I was fine. Took it in the afternoon, but by nightfall, I was in the worst state of psychotic mania I've ever experienced. (I posted it in a thread under "Schizophrenia & Psychosis", so I'll just paste that here.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shayatanica
Perceptory distortions as well as true hallucinations. The lightbulb's buzzing sounded like a bee was in the house & I spent 10 minutes looking for it & cowering. It sounded like there was a train speeding through my head & another time like there was a bull stomping & snorting behind me (the bull was actually the coffee pot). I layed down on the couch, but I saw shadows around me & felt like I was on an operating table...
It was also the first time I've ever had really paranoid, scary delusions, as well. I'm up on the 17th floor of a building, but for some reason, I was convinced that people could see right through the windows at what I was doing & criticize me. I felt like I was in serious danger. And for some reason, I had this pervasive fear that I was going to choke on my tongue & die in my sleep.
All of that happened in the same half hour. I had to take a Benadryl, lay down in bed, & put some music on to get me to sleep as soon as possible.
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I was so overwhelmingly scared & as my boyfriend was tucking me in before he had to go to work, I was in tears. I was so convinced that I'd be in mortal peril the second he left... I suppose what little I had left of my reasoning abilities was as such: If I've never had such severe hallucinations with him around & they always come when he leaves, imagine how much worse they will be once he's gone! I had such a panic attack...
Today I'm not hallucinating or having delusions, just some minor things in the corner of my eye, but I'm incredibly dysphoric. I don't really feel like doing anything, my mind isn't racing... I feel like I am in a fog. I don't really feel real or like myself. But I'm incredibly hyperactive & seem to have leapt out of my reclusive slump leftover from depression. I'm also still feeding my feelings & haven't been pampering myself as I usually do on a daily basis. Just keeping myself distracted, since I don't feel that I can handle anything beyond that.
Just needed to get this off of my chest & perhaps someone has had a similar experience or knows more about this pervasive feeling of not quite feeling like anything is real... The post was in response to one about derealisation, but I'm curious as to how that relates to BP, if it does at all. Anyway, take care all of you. Thanks for paying attention! : )
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