ok i took my kids out 4 days ago to get shoes & hair cuts for going back to school & i got mine cut as well its been about a year sence i had mine cut it was defintly needed & surprizling enough i was in a good mood well not being stressed out for being out it was nice,& my hair turned out ok to im not really picky ,we came home & all was good ,i woke up the next day & i felt great ive been depressed for 10months continuesly non stop so this was great i cleaned the house & hung pics on wall & all was good my husband came home & he was happy & the kids were happy things r going smooth & my husband says to me what a relef to see you happy i feel so bad when your sad i dont know what to do when your like that,i thought ok its over the sadness is gone im free & i felt that way for 3 days great & all those days my husband was happy like the weight was lifted off him & he kept teasing me saying new dew (hair due ) new attitude ! night & day difference i was so happy to be helpfull by just being happy & productive i didnt know i had it in me from being down so long i forgot,so today i woke up & was tired i thought ok it will pass oh & my potassum is low because my legg swelled up the other day & it happened to me before & my eyes get blurry & i gotta wear glasses but onely when potassum is low everything is blury this is my cure not a docs cure but i dont have health insurence we lost it about a year ago & money is tight so that can be making me tired as well ,i know alot of people are gonna say go see a doc but i tried for assistence & couldent figure it out & due to that i was turned down ,so back to story ,so i was tired but was ok ,i had to pay the bills & i thought it was around the 15th of this month ,not realizeing it was the end of the month,i seen all these bills late a few shut off notices i lost it my mind started spinnning out of control i couldent foucus on anything i wanted to lay down but was sorta late ,my husband called & i was trying to cover it up but he seemed sad i could hear it in his voice as he tried to cover it as well ,so i told him im gonna lay down & fix this ,so when he came home he came right up to the bedroom, i heard him comming upstairs so i jumpted out of bed ,didnt want him to see me like that again ,i went to bathroom he came back downstairs,i came down a few min later,& he & my son were sitting at the tabel & i blurted out what happen in a confused voice & said i have 1,100 in my purse & 500 in the bank i need$600 to pay bills i have to keep $300 out for my tires & i dont know what i neeed for kids clothes,my sons shoes were $70 & my other son still had to get his shoes but i bought him 2 pair of jeans that were $40 a pair & my youngest son still needed paints & they both needed shirts & i didnt know how much that was gonna cost & i needed money for food there is nothing in the house to eat & my truck is getting inspected that was gonna be $100 i dont know whats for dinner & the bottel on the grill is empty i gotta get that filled (hope i didnt make anyone dizzy !sorry) my son said to me ok you can stop now your making me confused i said you can go in the room & my husband said to me your confusing me to & then he said order pizza( oh & i had to clean my truck to ) ill go clean your truck ,keep the $300 untill after school shopping all you need to due is pay the bills & take kids shopping for close & he will be giveing more money in a few days he said everything is gonna be ok ! he & my 2 sons went out to clean my truck i started to get sick from all the stress i was going threw i feel like when is enough how much does one have to suffer before it to much i dont wanna be this way & he is not bipolar & it brinngs him alot of stress,sometimes i think it would be better or healthy for him to have a new girlfriend so he dont have to deal with it anymore if i could give my bipolar back i would i dont bring a healthy enviroment i dont yell & scream im not even mean my specilty is to run & hide as often as i can to make for a somewhat calm inviroment for them ! wow its a book sorry !