hi
so if any of you read my last post you would know that my first attempt at mindfulness was a disaster.but i have the most amazing friends here and in real life.and you all have given me so many amazing gifts.
i had to many fears,to many questions,no direction,and to much fear to ask the questions i needed to ask.it was a train wreck before it was even started.i wasn't there.not only that but mix in the fear that i was scared something was wrong with my T(Probably transference)and like i said it was a train wreck in the making.
tonights gift came from a quick response to an email i sent to a friend of mine who just happens to be a Buddhist and instructor.knows mindfulness and meditation well.these were the questions i sent him
so the problem is this.I am trying this mindfulness and so far i am a total failure at it.if that can truly be possible.
i am hoping you might know a thing or two about this
it is suppose to be a simple exercise
1.pick something to focus on.
not a problem, i got this down i have an abundance of stuff to focus on.
my breathing ,cat ,floor,whatever....
2.when my mind wanders, as it will,acknowledge that it has wondered,the thought ,sound or whatever the case.
i got this also,i have no problem with my mind wondering ,or knowing what it is wondering off to.
3. gently bring your mind back to what it is focusing on.
WHAT????my mind has wondered and it keeps on going.from 1 thought to the next .one noise to the next..no way back.
how do i get back ? or leave a pile of crumbs to follow so i can find my way back and not get lost.
such a simple exercise bring your mind back to what you were focusing on (not so simple at all)
any thoughts??
book recommendations??
thanks
your Scorpio friend
his first response
First of all, it sounds as if you're trying a bit too hard. You say that you "are a total failure at it," as if you want to accomplish something. We encounter a paradox when we meditate: on the one hand, we wouldn't do it if we didn't want to get something out of it or accomplishes something; on the other hand, once we engage in the practice, the desire to accomplish something seems counter-productive.
the answers i got back were amazing and i would like to share with you
his answer
1. Don't think of putting focus on something. Put your attention there but lightly. And when in doubt (so to speak!) choose the breath. Put your attention on the outbreath, each time you breathe out. Trungpa Rinpoche once said that we should 'give our allegiance to the breath.' That phrasing suggests that we don't try to exclude thoughts. If I give my allegiance to some cause, I still notice other things going on in the world. We can take a similar approach to meditation.
To me this means it is easier to apply attention to my breath other than an object, sound or action.because along with all these you also deal with the attached memories and stuff along with it.way harder to do...i was using my sitting in the chair as a focus.
another answer..
Second, what brings us back? Hmm. According to the Buddhist teachings, we have natural wakefulness, an innate capacity to wake up. If we do the practice diligently, something brings us back, but sometimes the mind wanders for a while. Don't judge that. Mind thinks. That seems like a natural process. Meditation -- well, both of my teachers have said that we would do better to translate the Sanskit term as "Familiarization." We sit in order to develop familiarity -- and friendliness -- towards our mind.
i like his way of acceptance that the mind thinks and developing familiarity and friendliness towards it
in talking to him he explained some and gave me examples that i will try to convey but probably not so good but i want to try so i can understand better.
about thoughts and meditation.your mind wonders and when needed acknowledge a thought.how to do this maybe ask Ware this thought came from.to see that it came from no place it was always there.
think of it as an ocean or ocean of thoughts.the ocean is there it comes from no place but the waves appear and they go up and then go down and dissipate but the ocean is always there.thoughts are like this going up and then dissipating.and through it all the breath is still there you are breathing in and out it is what is happening here and now and constant .as a wave the thought will rise and you will still be breathing.the thought will come down and dissipate and you will still be breathing.i can feel the breath as it enters i can be with that breath until it exists and than bring another in.
i know i didn't do a great job explaining it.easier to think than to write .but can you get some idea how i hope to tackle this problem of when my T asks me to focus on something and the thoughts (Probably bad ones)arrive .i wasn't able to let them go so maybe this is how i acknowledge them and return to my focus.
long winded I'm sorry i am just kind of excited to try this in my next session.i hope my T hasn't given up on me and mindfulness because i really am trying.
thanks for reading if you made it through