Granite - I'm so glad you have a friend who could explain this to you in a way that will make you feel better. To be able to NOT judge our efforts is a huge step for all of us. And so often when we judge we will judge ourselves poorly. I know I am guilty of that. So any effort we make toward something will always feel like failure because our goals are very high. So even the progress we make will feel like failure because we have not 'completed' our goal. We don't see those small steps as success but only as a failing.

One of my teachers once taught that it's only our 'effort' that counts, not the results. Simply by having the will to try is a success. The results, really, are out of our hands. When we believe that, we can relax and be content that we've tried. But the funny thing is - the effort will eventually lead to results. It's a question of changing a bit our expectations and focusing on the part that we can take responsibility for - our effort.

So, Granite, that you tried the exercise in mindfulness means that you WERE a success. You did not fail. Wanting to be an adept at something/anything when first learning it will be a setup for self-condemnation. Think about this carefully - really really how could anyone do that? No one, not you, not me. All we can do is try - that is all. And, again, let me repeat myself. By trying, by making the effort, by having that desire to succeed - all of that is a sign of success, not of failure.

And you're not giving up. And neither am I. We're tempted to quit; we're tempted to flee; we're tempted to throw in the towel. If we ran away, then we might say that we're failures. But even then, trying to escape just might be the process needed at that time to continue on the path of success.

So, let's make a deal. If you try (only try, not necessarily complete the exercise), I'll try to change my thoughts of what success/failure mean. When I begin to beat myself up that I'm a failure, I'll think of you and I'll see you as my coach telling me and reminding me that , no, I'm not failing because at least I'm trying.

So, thanks Granite - you have been quite an inspiration for me.