There are no perfect relationships. Every relationship takes committment to work on it, from both partners. It sounds to me that you are willing to do the work, and she just is not. It sounds like you have grown in this relationship, you stepped over your limitations, stretched yourself, and that is wonderful.

You can accept things as they are. Perhaps you can find another dimension of yourself by further exploring being the take-charge partner, even though this is not where you started at all. Is your lack of enjoyment caused by the underlying resentment, a "I shouldn't be the one initiating it, she should"? If you imagine not having such a thought, can you see something exciting there for you?

When status-quo, is no any longer acceptable, usually one party in a relationship ends up issuing an ultimatum, a soft one, one starting with "I love you, and I want to stay with you, but..." Faced with possibility of losing you, she may agree to work on things with you, to make relationship better for both of you. Things that you want don't sound that impossible at all. Maybe you two can find a good book on how to make a relationship grow. Most are written for heterosexual couples, but don't be put off by that, one that I found quite good, came as a recommendation from my friends, who are a lesbian couple.

If she won't or can't, even though she loves you, and you love her, it may be time to part ways. You will not be able to stay forever in a relationship that just does not work for you, and sooner or later you will have to leave.

Breaking up, if that's what it comes to, IS painful. Everyone who's ever done it will attest to it. It is easier if things deteriorate to the point where you can't stand the other person, mush easier to walk away when the parting words are "I hate you, and hope I'll never see you again", rather than "I love you, and I will always love you, and it breaks my heart that things can't work between us"

I wish you the best.