Rain, i don't know if this has been mentioned before so sorry if this is a repeat.
first, never apologize for posting on pc... i would miss you. and we are allowed to post whatever we want within the guidelines of pc and as far as i know you have never been in trouble with the admins'

and second, here is my thought. since i don't think you are in love with your t sexually, (creepy if you were, i would not be replying) anyways, why not just go with it. allow yourself to feel these feelings, and not try to fight it, analyze it, or figure it out. maybe it is just one of those things that given in time if you don't ignore it, that some of the feeling may fade, not go away, not change, just maybe feel less intense.

i have been in therapy forever and saw a lot of t's, never did i ever begin to feel for any of them like i do for the one i see now.

forget the professional aspect of it, just allow her love to touch you, so to speak, with hand holding you might be able to enjoy it then and maybe not so much pressure for you.

sorry this is so long and again, sorry if someone else has suggested this before.
sending lots of safe hugs