thank you for your input.. there are a lot of things going on behind the scenes here that i didn't mention because this post would be sooooooo long. even if what i described doesn't show codependency i am. it's been pointed out to me in so many ways. i've read several articles describing codependents and i fit it like a hand made glove. it's scary as hell. i moved in with my girlfriend about a month ago. i find myself afraid of saying what i feel and sticking up for myself for fear that if i upset her she'll ask me to leave. she is aware of this fear and has told me several times that that wouldn't happen. she's commited to me and to making our relationship work. she must see something in me that i don't. she really has her life together. she lives with her son in a happy healthy home. when we met i thought i had my life together too but i could tell that something was just off. i had put up such a good front of being stable and in control that i was fooling myself. (on a side note, my girl has had some training in alcohol abuse and drug abuse and the codependency that goes with it. she's been through therapy for it herself and recognized the traits in me after we moved in together.) and i did a great job of fooling her. then after we moved in and i started getting comfortable with being here the codependency traits really started coming through. she picked up on it right away and showed my in the way of articles about codependence. she didn't accuse me of anything, just gave me the information and let me decide for myself. i was floored...never would have thought i was codependent. but i sure am and i gotta get off this train. it's sucking my will to go on.. i'm scared and frustrated about what to do. it's really making life hard around here. she's getting tired of dealing with me and i didn't even know i was doing anything. i'm ruining this relationship really quickly. lately i've been thinking if i left everything would go back to normal for her. she had a happy successful home before i came along and now we're in a financial mess, i'm a wreck with this, and it's all really stressful for us to keep going. i really think if i had some place to go it would be the best thing for both of us. she could move on and meet someone who is healthy and doesn't have all the baggage i have. i think she would be better without me here.. i'm tired of feeling like the pity party poster child. i want to stand up on my own two feet and be a man..a strong supportive assertive confident man. i know he's inside me somewhere fighting to get to the surface but somehow i can't let him come through. i have to get better...i just have to.