Quote:
Originally Posted by shoe_addict
I am a white English girl who has been in a relationship with an Iranian guy for almost a year now. Things were going quite well between us, apart from the occassional misunderstandings we had based on language barrier. Recently though, my boyfriend's brother, who lives not that far away, invited us both to his house so that we can meet. The meeting was pleasant, I spoke to his heavily pregnant wife, while my bf was catching up with his brother. We then invited them over to our house and a week later they showed up. From the time they arrived they spoke only Persian - which I don't understand. I tried starting topics in English, several times, but that didn't work too well as the three of them would just end up speaking in their language. It was then decided to have a bbq, the brother took over my kitchen like it was his, ruled over my bf as to what to prepare etc. I was really annoyed by this plus I still had no idea what was being said so I kept on asking my bf 'what did he say' and so on. I also said to my bf that I wasn't happy with the situation and that I'd appreciate if they spoke English. My bf spoke to his brother about it - and a few minutes later the brother said they were leaving.
Like this wasn't bad enough, few weeks later, brother's wife delivered a baby, and the brother said to my bf that he is invited to see the little boy, only if he comes alone without me.
What do I do in this situation???
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there is nothing you can do to change this situation. Iranian law and culture is that of the man makes all the decisions and the woman does as shes told. the men under iranian law and culture are crap I forget the wording but it means all the children and how the children are raised is in the mans control according to the iranian laws and culture. you may be living in the USA or any other country but you are married to an iranian so you must honor their laws and culture. if the men want a BBQ and be the cooks of it then thats whats going to happen, if the man doesnt want the you to see the new baby then your not going to be able to see or interact with this child until the childs father says you can. (this one isnt so different than america by the way, american parents do decide who gets to be around their children and when)
the situations you posted about are out of your control to change.
that said future situations may be changable - educate yourself on the iranian history, iranian customs, Iranian laws, even read the Koran so you know what you are up against by being married to this man. have discussions with your guy about your views on family, children, religion. this way you will know where you stand with this man on those issues, so that in the future when children are born to you or the relatives you wont be blindsided again, you will know exactly what to expect and you will know when you can assert your views and when your asserting your views could end up with you in danger or hot water with your guy and the relatives.
Above all do not leave the USA even to visit iran or his relatives in iran. and if leaving american land is unavoidable know where the american embacy is and how to contact the and have a contact person there that can help you should the need arise.