I was too chicken, for a long time. Or I would allow myself to be guilt-tripped into resuming contact (often a misuse of the concept of forgiveness.) And of course after resuming contact, the same old invalidating treatment begins again.

But now the contact is nil.

My daughters, thank God, are willing to continue a relationship with me, and allow me into my grandchildren's lives. Yet I carried my childhood into my parenting, and abused them too. The difference is that while my family members dismiss and belittle and say it wasn't that bad, I say to my daughters, "You are right. That was abuse, and you didn't deserve it. I'm sorry I did it."

Which is all I wanted to hear my family say, but they won't.